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I hope Tony Abbott is fed through a sausage mincer, fried on a hotplate, put on a bread roll, and then eaten by a ravenous Joe Hockey. I’d call it the ‘Shit Happens Burger.’
I hope Tony Abbott goes on Beauty and the Geek and all the beauties are so repulsed none of them volunteer to partner up with him.
I hope Tony Abbott accidentally shoplifts, because he walks out holding something and forgets to pay for it. I hope he has no idea what to do, and ends up unable to sleep at night for weeks, wondering if they know, wondering if the shop had security cameras, wondering when the police will come. And I hope that since he has no idea what to do with it, he leaves the statue of a sexy Santa that he stole on his bedside table forever, a constant reminder of his guilt and his shame.
I hope Tony Abbott goes to drink a Big M and is really excited, but when he takes his first mouthful he realizes the milk has gone off.
I hope Tony Abbott eats a giant sandwich and just as he’s about to finish it he sees a giant spot of mould.
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